Monday, October 31, 2011


Harold Camping ruined Halloween.

Had there been a clue we'd still be here tonight, I'd have dressed up like the doctor who killed Michael Jackson -- although, granted, I'd probably have had to tell people I was dressed up like the doctor who killed Michael Jackson.

But when the Apocalypse didn't come on Oct. 21, as Camping predicted, I -- like so many others -- was in shock.

Shock, I tell you.

So, it's the end of the month... Camping, who is 90, still hasn't commented... and even those of us who are true believers are starting to, well, wonder.

Camping's media liaison, Tom Evans, hasn't had anything to say since the Sunday before the non-Rapture.  And if Tom isn't talking, you know its bad.

“He believes that unbelievers will simply become tired, fall asleep and never awake," Tom said on Oct. 16. "I want to believe this. I hope and pray that this is the case.”

Are you with me here, folks?  All kidding aside, this dork was praying for the end of the world.

Not just because he knew he was going to look like a big idiot.  And not just because he and an unbelievable number of other morons spent their life savings to pay for Rapture and Apocalypse advertising on billboards and park benches.

Tom Evans, who has known Camping for nearly three decades, actually hoped he'd be Trick or Treating in Heaven this year.

"For a long time, I’ve had expectation that Christ would come back in my life time. Now, within the last six years, since around 2005, 2011's become a very real year. Has become a very important year.”

Keyword: Real.

“So now, here we are," Tom continued. "The 10,000-pound elephant sitting right in the room. In less than five days from today, we’ll know whether we were right or wrong -- whether we understood the Scriptures correctly, whether the Spirit of God directed us, or whether we were deceived. That’s a big question.”

Not really.

“The other question I think that is huge, is whether or not any of us here will be left, will fall asleep and ever reawaken. That’s a question that’s between you and God. Only God can answer that, and only you can answer that.”

Wrong again, Tom, you stupid asshole.

God isn't the only one who can answer that.

I can.

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